Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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