just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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