they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
