How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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