3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
