Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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