2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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