Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
