I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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