Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
