ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
