he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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