Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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