just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
