If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
