He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just gargled with NyQuil
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
