I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
