I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
