every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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