how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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