pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
