clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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