Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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