They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
