Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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