To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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