You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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