u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
