I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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