there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
