I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
