remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
