I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
