I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
