Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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