Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
