we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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