I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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