I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
