3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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