i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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