There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
