You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
