Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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