Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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