I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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