I feel great
I just peed on a car
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
