I just saw a hot homeless man
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
