Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
COCAINE IS GR8
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
