I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
